In the past few days, I have been noticing my mind ‘wanting’ something so badly. My little mind spent days ‘wanting and pining’ for that thing. The more it wanted, the more restless and moody I became. So I decided to sit back and watch it to understand where this wanting was coming from.
I realized that my moodiness or restlessness were the by-products of my wanting. I also understood that my ‘wanting’ was because I was seeking to own something and control the outcome of that thing that I was wishing for.
I also realized that my ‘wish’ was a mere idea – an idea of what I thought the future could be like. So as I am I’m sitting here writing this piece, I’m also smiling to myself as I understand that the future is not in my control (And I thank God for that!). I can see that “wanting” is mere desire and is completely driven by my ego who seeks satisfaction.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that we should not go for what we want – nothing in life would happen if we sat down doing nothing! But all I’m saying is that we should not be so attached to outcomes. Attachment to outcomes is what makes us suffer.
My amazing younger brother who recently got married a few days ago told me “for once Nasseema go get what you want – enough of waiting for it”. I was surprised he said that, as I had always thought I’m the one in family that ruffles every feather, the one who always stands up and fights for what she thinks is right and deserving. But after thinking about it carefully, I realized he was right – I only went for things which were safe enough. Things which did not pose a risk of me getting too badly hurt. Things that were risky and edgy – but where there was little risk of getting burnt.
Rumi says that the only way to find Love is through burning yourself. So I’m going to let go of ‘wanting’ as it’s a rather useless emotion. Instead I’ll go for what I want – and if it’s meant for me, it will come to me. If not – then I will be thankful for the outcome chosen by the Universe. I keep reminding myself that we can only see the pages that’s right in front of our eyes. We cannot see what’s inside of the rest of the book yet.
Rumi Quotes in association with Nasseema Taleb.